Are Men Okay? With Keith Serry
Keith Serry is a rockstar. Actually, he’s not a rockstar. But he’s a big fan of rockstars. He hosts the singular podcast, The Volume Knob where guests tell poignant and personal stories, each one featuring a song that saved their life. Beyond his podcast, he is an acclaimed storyteller who has graced many stages from Montréal’s Confabulation to—maybe people have heard of the TV channel PBS? Keith was on that. A show called Stories from the Stage. Keith is a lawyer by trade, which means he gets lots of things done, even though he is also a husband and father—of two children and the laziest labradoodle in Montréal. But today, we are going to talk about Keith’s imminent show, The List: A Traumady About Probiotic Masculinity, premiering June 8 at Montreal’s 2024 Fringe Festival.
The List takes us on a hilarious and heartbreaking road trip that answers questions like, Why are men like this? Must all the role models be terrible? What’s going on? And, are men okay? Given these volatile times, these are racy topics. It got a little awkward, but I’m glad we went there. Keith Serry, thank you for this splendid episode.
Keith Serry on This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life
00:00 - Intro and Theme Song
01:16 - Quick and very fun break. Please rate and review This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life. Please buy tickets to Keith’s Fringe show The List.
03:30 - Keith Serry’s long and impressive bio
06:14 - Erica fails to resist the question, What’s it like being really tall? Keith humours and enlightens her.
10:35 - The PR Crisis of Cis-White Men. Erica asks, are men okay and why should we care? Keith answers as tactfully as possible.
22:12 - What is probiotic masculinity?
25:20 - Despite mainly terrible role models, how did Keith Serry grow up to become a nice guy? Did Erica get that wrong? What are the pros and cons of being a nice guy? Keith feels uncomfortable speaking on behalf of nice guys but does his best.
36:38 - Erica remains committed to differentiating the assholes from the decent dudes out there. How does the looks lottery come into play? Can you be conventionally attractive and kind? Is a lack of confidence conducive to more empathy? Why do rich and famous people act a certain way and why do they get special treatment?
40:50 Keith tells his law school students: The mere fact that you are here means that you are incredibly fortunate and that can co-exist with the fact that you hate what you’re doing and you don’t want to do it.
42:03 Erica: “Well, how frustrating to have a body. Is how I feel.”
43:10 Keith’s shows’ press release mentions bad sex. So Erica asks, what sex is bad, why is it bad, and what’s happening out there?
52:00 Listener Question from Who Made the Death Bed? It’s a classic, no-more-sex-after-kids scenario. A heartbreaking dry spell has two new parents continuously missing each other. Who is the asshole? Can anything be done? Keith and Erica can’t fix it. But we have thoughts.
1:07:03 Keith’s Morning Routine: He starts with a stream-of-consciousness journal and an espresso.
1:09:15 Keith Serry and Vision Boards: He’s not a fan. Nor does he believe in manifesting. Erica beams at her own vision boards as he tells her this. Keith and Erica talk journalling and Keith elaborates on his creative routine. An essential ingredient: deadlines.
1:19:03 Keith Serry’s Cleaning Routine: A strong-willed negotiation amongst family members, with a bunch of help from a lovely cleaner. Shout-out to Mary, and all the miraculous cleaners out there.
1:21:01 Half-Bad Ukulele Segment: Space Oddity by David Bowie. I’d say in our top three. Thank you to Cynthia Lin for this splendid arrangement!
Listen to the end for Keith’s closing advice!
Keith Serry’s Links
Keith Serry on Instagram @volume_knob
Mixing, Ukulele, and Cover Art by Erica J. Schmidt in Montréal, Quebec.
Follow Erica on Facebook or Instagram or check out her website at ericajschmidt.com. You can also make her day by sending her a listener question to any of these places.
If you enjoyed this episode, you might also enjoy Default Adult Settings and Default Creative Settings with Paul de Tourreil. Or check out Erica’s limited edition First Date With Amir.
Listener Question From Who Made the Death Bed?
Dear Erica and Keith.
I’m a 34-year-old man and my wife is 32. We have one kid who is now three. After our kid was born, my wife and I barely hugged or cuddled or kissed and we definitely did not have sex. I understood that she was touched out but when our child turned one I asked if she wanted to have a physical connection again. I hired a babysitter so that she could have a whole day to herself and we could have a date night. At some point I tried to cuddle her but she rejected me. She told me I would have to find some other way to get what I need. I didn’t have the energy to cheat so I bought a bunch of toys and started to care of myself that way.
Now that our kid is 3, it seems like my wife’s sex drive is coming back. But I guess I’m not really feeling it. If she goes to kiss me, I’ll kiss her back but nothing more. Hugs are okay but I don’t want to cuddle. I’m in the routine of just showering and going to bed after I tuck our kid in. A couple weeks ago, she initiated and I said no (nicely) and went to the shower. She went to try and join me in the shower and I left and went to the other bathroom. Later I apologized and she said it was okay. In case she was in the mood again, I bought her some toys and told her she could use them if she was looking for pleasure. She said that she didn’t want toys, she wanted me. I told her that was all good but at that moment I wanted to watch TV.
This week she asked me what was going on and why I didn’t want her. I said that I still found her attractive but at this point, it’s been almost 3 years and I’ve had to manage my desires on my own. I’ve figured out my own routine. She asked if I was punishing her. I said I was too tired to punish her. I said it would take time but if she wanted to start right away, she would have to accept that I would be thinking of someone else while we did it. She said she didn’t want that. I told her, then I guess you can just use the toys I bought you.
My friends think that I should be a better sport and work on being intimate with her again. They said it’s fair that she wasn’t available in the other years with all the childcare. But I take care of the kid every night and have covered for her for weeks at a time while she was really sick with COVID. Plus once a year, she takes a two-week long vacation. This isn’t all about childcare, but she’s upset and I feel like an asshole. Am I? What should I do?
Love, Who Made the Death Bed?
Thank you so much for listening! To support this independent podcast, please consider purchasing a Lil and Bud dog greeting card at ericajschmidt.com/merch. You can also make a one-time donation here at The Donate Button. Feel free to get in touch for other sponsorship possibilities. My infinite thanks for all of this.
More infinite thanks, as always, to Taes Leavitt (darling big sister, Big Heart Journey), Sherwin Tjia (technical and creative advisor, Sherwin’s Quirky Events, Episode 22) and my dearly departed aunt Eileen Gun, whose generous gift helped to fund my new podcast equipment.
And infinite thanks to you, my dear listeners! Stay tuned for more episodes extra soon. Don’t forget to follow This Is Your Strange and Beautiful Life on your favourite podcast platform. And if you enjoyed the episode, I would be immensely grateful if you could share it with a friend and/or leave a kind and enthusiastic rating and review.
